OK, so maybe the setting wasn’t exactly out of a movie. I wasn’t standing under the night sky with a backdrop of colorful fireworks exploding behind me in celebration of the Fourth of July. No, instead I was standing in Walmart in front of the sweet potato baby food crying in my boyfriend’s arms. The Fourth of July is one of my favorite holiday’s and I had just sat through a picnic eating lukewarm egg-whites and beef that smelled like it was a little past due.
A few more days passed and I was still a roller-coaster of emotion. I simply could not get myself in a strong positive mindset for more than a moment before it was replaced with negativity. A few nights later I hit a low and it seemed my Pros and Cons for finishing this prep were perfectly balanced. My head was swimming and I just could not find the right answer, I always know the right answer in my heart, but I simply could not find it.
I tend to shut down when I have a problem, literally I will go silent- hard to believe I know. In desperation I had finally messaged my Coach to tell him how I had been feeling, but as usual I had protected it with a certain level of toughness. I never want to be a burden and instead of telling my Coach when things started to get troublesome, I let them internalize and fester until I was a clouded mess sitting on my kitchen counter ready to quit.
I realized I needed to be completely honest with him that this wasn’t about the diet, the training, missing out on summer activities or that my body wasn’t physically feeling up to the challenge of eight more weeks of prep- instead I needed to tell him that this was about doubt and fear of failure. I had to let go of my pride.
The acknowledgement of what was really bothering me sent a wave of relief that washed away the clouded thoughts. My Coach spoke from his heart and personal experience in response, it was the honesty and guidance that I needed. My heart and mind were finally in sync and I knew the right decision. Doubt and fear of failure were my reasons for wanting to quit, but the only way I can fail is by not trying. Stay strong, persist until you achieve.