I shot straight up in bed. Unaware of it all, except for the strange reality that had settled over my home. My son stood outside my door calling for me, ready to start his day. I floated through the house, got him his breakfast and crumpled into my kitchen chair. The tears streamed down my face silently as I texted “Even though we’ve been living separate lives for years…now it is a reality.” The past couple months had been unequivocally the hardest, yet most emotionally rewarding of my life. My Husband and I had faced the cruel truth, we were best friends who simply weren’t in love.
Emotionally we are two people who aren’t even in the same book; we love and need love differently. We’ve spent our entire marriage trying to change the other, trying to change ourselves. Desperately trying for a deeper happiness that just wasn’t. Looking back there were many changes we should have made. A myriad of decisions that changed our fate. Yet, one overwhelming, undeniable truth remains irregardless of the decisions and the circumstances of life- we both would have reacted in the same emotional fashion. Neither one of us can pinpoint the moment we fell out of love, but its been a gradual dissolution over the better part of our time together. Love was replaced with a dependency on the other to operate the family. We took pride in the fact that we were a great business team; the schedule became the focus and the promise of a financially secure life became the all consuming goal- the promise of “happiness”.
We are the lucky ones, through this entire divorce process we have become an even better friend to the other. We don’t have to mourn the loss of the other. Rather we can celebrate the release of anger, frustration and an underlying feeling of inadequacy because we could never quite make the other person happy. Our children have become our focus, our lifelong bond to the other. They may not fully understand the why, but they do see our friendship, the way we treat one another now, and the respect we have for each other. The children are now noticeably happier and less stressed. It is easy in life to be blinded by the external, to create such a colorful exterior that it distracts from the internal truth. Be brave enough to accept yourself and those you love for the unseen. Do not demand that they change, but rather learn to love and appreciate them in a new light. Accept that life is uniquely beautiful, that even the most straightforward paths are not always the right option for your inner, personal happiness. Set aside fear, ask yourself the hard questions and do not settle for anything less than what is right for you.